10/09/2008

I'm rehashing some words I put down in my notebook...
(This one is a little negative)

10/09/2008

Here I am festering in my discontent. I am angry and unresolved. But worst of all I realize that I am completely jealous and envious of your freedom; your freedom of commitment, of work. I’m green over your freedom from emotional ties and superficial sensations that serve as chains to tie me down. I am indeed my own worse enemy. I create the situations that I despise. Is it a test of wills? Why would I endure such ridiculous circumstances? Why am I so dependent of these emotions?

I want to bathe myself in the moon’s pure white light and erase all the cuts my feeble arms acquired while attempting to hold onto some sort of reality.

(a few hours later this happened...)
I want the power to engage-to awaken the beauty in other’s minds. I want to inspire, I want to my smile –my presence to ripple affect those around me. I want my good vibrations to be contagious. I want to love eternally. I want to share my whole existence with the world. I want to group hug them all while I’m at it! I want to do real good things for humanity not just what is told to me is good…

I’m a rational being and that’s all it takes for me to do good unto others even when they won’t do good unto me. I have to give even when there is no returning, more so when there is no return.